Forgive Thanks
by VioletLites
Summary: With the loss of Meta, and the consequences of his actions taking their toll, Jane Ryder is left to come to terms with how her life is going to change. (A one shot set in the DrifterVerse)


**This is my gift to all my followers and favorites. I am so thankful for you. If you're American...Happy Thanksgiving! If not...still love you.**

 **If you haven't read "Across the Dark" then you'll be lost. (Spoilers!) The first part sort of takes place in chapter 32 of that fic. (Road trip) The rest of it takes place sometime after Junior's birth.**

Hexwood. My favorite book in the universe. Or it was until I came to this one. I haven't been able to find it. Yet here I am holding it in my hands and it is just as I remembered it. The picture on the cover, the words on the page, each and every part of it is exactly like I remembered.

I look up into Meta's deep chocolate eyes. "Where did you find this?"

"That book loft in New York." We were traveling across America to give Rose and the Doctor some space. We had been in New York just a few days before. Now here in the busy cafe in new orleans on a hot summer day I sit here staring at a piece of home I thought I'd lost.

"How did you know to get this one?"

"You mentioned a while back that it was your favorite. You were sad because you couldn't find it. You didn't think it existed in this universe. It's just really unknown. Didn't do very well."

I smile at him but he shuffles his feet and walks away to pay the bill for our coffee and donuts. We walk side by side through the bustling streets, taking in the brilliant colors and animated people. We are both careful of pickpockets. "Where are we?" I ask.

"This is Jackson Square. It's named that for the three bronze statues of Andrew Jackson placed around the square." He doesn't look at me. He sounds like he's reciting a monologue.

We walk along further while I point out all the art projects of the many talented people displaying their work. It was all quite beautiful. But still he won't look at me. The book that he gave me weighs heavy in my bag and I know that that's what's bothering him. But why? I had nothing to do with it. But now I've had enough.

I grab his shoulder and turn him toward me as jazz music plays softly in the distance. "Thank you," I say as I look him in the eye.

"It just a book," he says.

I shake my head. "No it's not. It's a piece of my past that I didn't think I'd get back. There's a lot of my past lost to me, but you gave me something back. So thank you."

He smiles. "You're welcome." There's a shift in the air. The same shift I thought I felt for a moment on the bus when we had dealt with the planet if the dead. He leans in ever so slightly, seeking permission which I grant.

His lips are gentle on mine. Giving and undemanding yet still insistent. He makes no move to deepen the kiss but he doesn't pull back either and I know that he's waiting for me give him the okay. So I deepen it a bit and that's all he needs. He explores like a man with all the time in the world. Mapping my teeth and lips as if committing them to memory. I think he is.

I try to remember every detail as well, folding it away into my mind to revisit in the future. Every point of contact is catalogued and recorded. Finally, we stop for breath. Our foreheads lean against each other as our breath mingles. We laugh at the absurdity of it. He's the doctors meta crisis, and I'm a lonely girl who got lucky when she made friends with Rose Tyler. Yet somehow we've found ourselves here.

"Now what?" I whisper. "Where do we go from here?"

"I should think that was obvious." He raises his eyebrow suggestively.

I shake my head and smack it lightly. "Shut up."

"Yes ma'am." I narrow my eyes at his check but it doesn't matter. Nothing could matter really to anyone if this works.

"I mean it though. Where do we go?"

He picks up on my seriousness now and answer me honestly. "Forward. As slowly or as quickly as you want. All we need to do is move forward."

"Okay." And that's how it started.

DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW DW

I wake up with a start from my dream. No. Not a dream. A memory. The memory of another woman a long time ago. I lay there trying to catch my breath for a moment, but then a familiar voice interrupts me. "Hello love."

I gasp and look at the mirror. Meta is sitting next to me in the reflection. "What?"

"I told you I would be here when you needed me."

"Who says I need you?" His face falls with a hurt expression. I sigh. "You know I didn't mean that."

"I'm sorry. But you were in distress. So I'm here."

"But you're not really, and that's why I'm distressed. I miss you."

"Tu me manques."

I look at him oddly. "What does that mean?"

His eyes catch mine in the mirror. "You are missing from me." He pauses. "I am sorry."

"It's okay. I forgive you. And I'm thankful that we at least have this. You're still here, if only in my hearts."

He smiles. "I love you."

"I don't understand why."

"I love you because you balance out my strangers and weaknesses. You make me better."

I release a breathless laugh. "I love you too."

He smirks. "Why?"

"Because even before I changed, I didn't know who I was. I still don't. You help me find myself. I'm searching in the dark really. And you are my light."

"I wish I could hold you."

"Me too."

And because this is all we have, he fades away again, leaving me feeling bereft and alone. But I close my eyes and even though I can't see or hear him, I can feel his presence in me. He is a part of me. He helps me forgive myself for all of the wrong I have done. And I am thankful that I got to meet him. Thankful that I had the chance to love him. Thankful that I have the chance to keep living.

I open my eyes again and head to the console room, where the Doctor and his young family is discussing a reasonable place to take a trip with a newborn. Rose smiles at me and I smile back. A flicker in the timelines shows me something. No matter what path I take, there is a moment where I will be happy. And I'm suddenly thankful that I have two hearts now, to hold all of the happiness and love that I feel for these people. My family.


End file.
